Accomplishments @ 25

Just like the past 24 years, my 25th birthday came and went. I decided to play it differently this year by spending it with a different group of friends in a different province. I wasn't too excited about it initially because I don't really hang out much with these friends, but they all really wanted to go to Montreal for the long weekend. The planning sucked tremendously because everyone had a different opinion about the cost expense and I just got really frustrated with how everything turned out. However, the Lord was gracious and things just automatically fell into place. There wasn't much to do in Montreal besides visiting popular tourist attractions such as the Notre-Dame Cathedral or eat at various restaurants. There definitely wasn't much to do in Mont Tremblant besides hiking up the ski slopes or eat at local bars. But the entire trip was really relaxing, which I desperately needed; in fact, relaxation is the theme of my summer this year. I need a break from the world. No work, no school, no anything that requires thinking. I'm so glad that my roommate/best friend was so considerate of my feelings as she made sure I was resting and relaxing properly. I am also glad that I got to know her and another friend better over the 8 hours of driving. Sometimes I just wonder how close we've gotten over the years despite not seeing each other on a consistent basis.

One of the things that was mentioned during our rides to various places was our accomplishments at the age of 25. I have actually been thinking about this for the past year and it often results to negative feelings. I honestly feel like I haven't accomplished anything, despite everyone around me saying I have accomplished alot. Besides passing highschool and getting two degrees, I really haven't done much in throughout the 25 years I have been on earth - at least nothing that is not education-related. I think my parents know how tired/stressed I am from schooling (and becoming the best of the best) that they really wanted me to go on vacation, so I am FOREVER grateful for this opportunity to rest (my parents literally told me to sleep, eat and repeat for four months).

I know I haven't accomplished what I want to have accomplished by this day and age, but I can't go back in time. So I am just going to plan and look forward to what's to come so I can come back to this topic next year and say that I have accomplished something other than school. To those who don't know yet, I am going to be doing another year of school (hope this is my last year!!! that is, if God doesn't tell me to do more school...uhh, I honestly have had enough) then I can actually move on to another stage of life and do something that I have been planning to do for a VERY long time......

This is my favourite picture from the road trip!

Ze Roomie!

Somehow

I have to admit, I am quite a time conscious person. I need know what I need to be doing every minute of the day and I get quite anxious when I just sit around not knowing what I should be doing. I always make sure things happen at that scheduled time. I REALLY HATE wasting precious time! But don't get me wrong, I DO procrastinate - but my procrastination has some sort of purpose, whether it be resting from working on a long project or just a way to clear my mind for awhile.

But reality is, things NEVER happen the way I've intended for it to go. I originally planned to go to Korea after my 4 years of undergrad, and now it's been way past my graduation and I am still not there. I planned to be done with school and start working by age 24, and I am still not there. I planned to be married by age 25 and have kids before 30, but I don't think it is happening anytime soon. So ya, things are not working out the way I've wanted it to go and I definitely have broken down numerous times because I felt like my life is plateauing and not moving anywhere.

But recently, particular the month of March when I gave up stress for Lent and careless about following schedule, did I realize that God IS REALLY AT WORK! I was stressed in February about finding a practicum location and finishing on time, and then all of a sudden I was SOMEHOW given a teaching location. I meaninglessly brought my laptop to school one day and was able to immediately send an email to my practicum supervisor to reserve a spot....beating everyone else! It was the ONLY day that I actually decided to bring my laptop for no reason. I SOMEHOW also ended up sitting in front of a friend in class on the first day of school and then SOMEHOW ended being teaching partners with her. We became really good friends ever since. I SOMEHOW also got an additional 10 hours teaching at the school. I SOMEHOW got a couple more teaching offers along the way (and I was stressed out about not having enough hours to graduate). I SOMEHOW had a dinner with a friend and learned more things about his life which has a significant effect on the future. I SOMEHOW saw an old friend at a David Choi concert. I SOMEHOW was able to meet David Choi outside in the cold (I was 2nd in line!!) and took a photo with him. I SOMEHOW, I SOMEHOW... so all these SOMEHOWs, are they a coincidence? definitely not. My God is always looking out for me but I just didn't really acknowledge it.

I don't really know where I am going with this post, but I just wanted to share with y'all how faithless I have been. The Lord has HIS own timing and He will provide me with the right thing at the right time. yes, I will be super sad when things don't end up the way I like it, but I know it is for my own good. So ya, as the results for my future will be revealed in a couple of hours (eek!!), may I accept what HE gives me and not complain. Yes, I am VERY anxious (I have literally been counting the days) but all I can do is walk His path with whatever He gives me. I really need to learn...so please pray for me on this issue.

So ya, it is okay if things don't go according to my schedule, I just need to REMEMBER that GREAT things happen at the BEST timing. I gotta wait....wait....for things to happen at the right time....

I can't believe it is...

MARCH already! where did time go?!?! all I know is that I was completely burnt out in Feb from lesson planning and teaching and online schooling. This month is definitely going to be a month of lesson planning! (woot woot!) I am serious. Planning teaching planning teaching. This is what a teacher does all the time and I LOVE every minute of it. Sometimes I even get a little giggly when I think of activities/exercises for them to do... hehe.

Today was the last day of teaching at Dewey. I have been teaching 2-3 Chinese students at a pre-university/college school since Feb! This class was definitely challenging, but it was also exciting and fun! The kids were really funny and the fact that they understood the materials and were able to apply them in their lives just made me smile... REAL BIG. I don't know, but I really get this satisfaction whenever I see my students succeed.

One more month till school acceptances come out. I'm really looking forward to what the Lord has planned for me. Speech Path? Teacher's college? or is it finally time for Korea?! or maybe it is none of those things....Who knows. All I can do is wait patiently and see.

Have a blessed month, my friends!

P.S. Speaking of friends, I can't wait to see my bestest friends during March Break!

March Made in Heaven

I know it isn't exactly March yet, but I am really looking forward to it. I can't wait for it to start and I can't wait for it to end. Most of it is because I have decided to dedicate this month for something special - which is to be completely stress-free. I am not even going to say "attempt" because I know I won't do it properly. If you know me well, I am a really stressful (?) person. I tend to make everything super complicated, to a point where I would stress myself out physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. I mean, the result will still end up the same whether I make myself stressful or not so what's the point. The point is that I want everything to be perfect. There's no room for imperfection and there's certainly no room for failures. You do it and you better do it well or else....

I guess I have really gone too far with this stressfulness(?) because I have been really burnt out in February and I don't think it is healthy. I wake up to the thought of school; I go to bed with the thought of school and sometimes I even dream about school and how that's going to affect/ruin my future. The thing is, this shows my weakness in trusting in the Lord. I always forget to let go and leave it to God.

So for Lent this year - not that I was ever into it because I don't agree with people giving up candy, chocolate, smoking, etc just for the sake of doing it and then going back to their old ways after Easter and I've always treated this as a Catholic event) - but I have decided to do it because I want to change. I have decided to give up stress. This means if I am not finished with my work by today or have not done the work well enough according to "my" standards, then I am just gonna leave it and look at the positives. Who cares if I don't get an A+ on this assignment, I am still going to heaven aren't I? The Lord isn't going to care what grade I get, it is my effort and thoughts that count.

Yes I know, it is practically impossible for me to do this cuz it is going from one extreme to another, but I am quite the radical person) so I'm going to challenge myself to this. I know I will stumble at times, but I know the Lord will nudge me and I will remember to stay focused. So to all my devoted readers out there, please keep me in your prayers and I ask that you keep me accountable to this.

I really can't wait till the first of April. It is going to be one important day because that's when school/program acceptances come out; but most importantly, what I am really looking forward to is how different my life is when I completely leave my stress to the Lord.

May March be the primer to a stress-free life!

2011 - A Year in Review

*Disclaimer: The following content is long and boring; Reader discretion is advised*

It's been awhile since I last wrote on here. To be honest, there really isn't much to write about. It's more like there really isn't anything happy or worthy to be noted here. Life this year was really challenging and depressing as I can't really recall any happy moments. In fact, I can say that 2011 is the worst year of my life. Yes, that is correct - the worst year ever. I guess you can say helping a family friend with her business and getting a non-permanent part-time job is a positive thing, or maybe witnessing a close friend whom I have prayed for for awhile get baptized is something worth mentioning, but that didn't really happen to me personally. I just can't name one thing that I would consider a highlight of this year. Everything that happened in 2011 was all negative and I think it all started with the rejection of the three SLP schools that I applied to in the beginning of this year. I was so hopeful and was quite certain of being accepted because of all the schooling that I've done for the past 20 years. What got me good was why people wouldn't want me when I went above and beyond to grad school and achieved decent grades and qualifications where I am sure many applicants did not have. I taught two linguistics courses during my year at Brock and I got references from both Professors (not Assistant Professors) and an actual SLP to strengthen my applications. I was so hopeful that I would get into both schools to the point where I thought about my living arrangements and what restaurants I'd eat at when I actually get there. The rejection really took a hard toll on my health both physically and mentally. I became SUPER stressed out about my life as I lost all directions. I questioned myself on a daily basis, I felt super low, I kept telling myself all sorts of negative things such as not being worthy of anything, I am dumb, stupid and will forever be stupid. I was born to be stepped on and that I don't deserve to be happy because I am dumb, stupid and will forever be stupid. What really got me to the lowest of the low was when I called the schools 2 months after the rejection asking them why I was rejected from the program. All of them basically said that my undergraduate grades were not up to par and that my average was way below the cut-off mark. My graduate degree did not contribute to anything - zero, nata. So I continued to blame myself for not doing well during my 4 years at Mac because I didn't put enough effort into my studies, or I played too much during my university years or I watched too many tv shows when I should be studying. I looked back at my decision of choosing biochemistry as my major and criticized myself for not choosing the general science and getting good grades. I got angry at myself for not knowing the SLP profession earlier so that I could at least choose appropriate courses. I became jealous of others who actually got into SLP. I became even more jealous when people were able to transition smoothly into the real world (steady 8 hours per day with high pay). What I just couldn't understand (and I still can't) is why God told me to choose biochem in the first place. I never even thought about going this path, but I just happened to end up there. I hated labs or anything lab related during the four years but He always gave me a super smart lab partner to help me and mooch ideas off of. What I am most angry at myself is that I can't redo the four years again to achieve a higher gpa --It is gone, everything is in the past and I can't go back in time. What this tells me is that I will never become a SLP. The prerequisites that I am doing currently won't help either; even if I get 100% on all of them, it will only raise my gpa by maybe 0.1. So what's the point? What's the point of studying? What's the point of schooling.

There were certainly days when I would just cry all day long wanting an answer from God to tell me what I should be doing with my life or why He created me to be nothing. I can't find a teaching job anywhere because I am not certified, I can't do this and I can't do that because I kept telling myself that I am not destined or trained in that area. I thought about going to Korea to teach ESL (which I have been wanting this since forever), but every time when I am about to apply, things would happen like GEPIK is not hiring at the moment or something admin related. God is just not opening this door for me.

I felt really sorry towards my parents because I have been spending their money and going to school for so many years that I think it is time to find a job - in particular a high paying job where I can repay all that they have done for me. But whenever I think about finding a job, I feel that I need more education to achieve certain positions.

Bad, or moreso unsatisfying events keep happening to my life one after another that I am already used to it and just waiting for it to be over soon. I cry out to the Lord but it seems like there's no answer. I am not getting any younger. I need some sort of direction; a goal that I can work towards. I guess this is primarily due to my personality. I can't play things by ear, I need to know what exactly I am doing, think of the future and its benefits/consequences and how I am going to approach it in a way that make sense. I plan out everything and I tend to get upset when things don't turn out the way I have intended for it to go. But after many persistent prayers and sharing about my struggles with close family and friends that I was reminded of my role as a child of God. As a child of God and a believer of Christ, I should be mindful of things that are happening in my life, but at the same time, I should incorporate God's plan into my life and not be so narrow-minded when things don't turn out the way I want for there's a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). May I never forget (or be constantly reminded) of this. I should wait patiently for the Lord (Psalm 27:14) to reveal his amazing plan to me (this is certainly VERY hard for me to do because I am an impatient person =S). I guess I was just too self-centered that it hindered me from looking/thinking elsewhere or even looking at a bigger picture. My thoughts were definitely just too pixelated.

Two thousand and eleven may be the worst year of my life, but it was also the year where I learned the most about myself. So I guess I should just treat this as a quarter life crisis and believe that everyone goes through this stage once in their lifetime. I know I am not getting any younger, but what can I do but to think positive things that are going to happen in my life in the future. I need to go with God's flow and play by God's ear. It is December 31, 2011 and it is sad that it took me about a year for God to discipline and ridicule me. I think this long struggle or this sudden "ding" of lightbulb only came recently when I finally decided to share about my struggles with friends. I was really ashamed of myself and was hesitant to share something like this to non-Christian friends because I just don't want them to think negatively of my God. Negative comments were all bottled up inside and I guess I should really learn to talk it out to release some pressure.

The Lord has done many great things to me for the past 24 years and I should never forget the times when He took me out of difficult circumstances. There's still many "unsatisfying" or "unknown" things in my life, but all I can do is persevere through all these trials for He promised me that I will receive victor's crown when I have stood the tests (James 1:12).

So here's to 2012. I will lower my expectations and will not expect to be accepted to any of the schools that I have applied to this year (I honestly don't know what I will be doing this year after I finish my TESL schooling in April). I will learn to play things by God's ear (of course I also need to plan when appropriate) and look at situations in a more bigger standpoint. May the Lord continue to grant me spiritual wisdom and strength to ENDURE what's to come. It may or may not be a happy year but it is my positive thoughts (I can do it! hehe) and my faith in Jesus Christ that will make the best of it. May He reveal Himself to me in a new and deeper way and may He surprise me with JOY! (in any way, shape or form).

Thanks for reading and I hope you can pray for me in my walk with God in 2012.

something random?

I was baptized 8 years ago today.

Memories

Many thoughts came into my mind when I went back to my old church today for my friend's wedding. I left that church 8 years ago due to some untold circumstances and I never went back to visit or even step foot in the church building since the day I decided to leave. I had no regrets because 1. I wasn't growing spiritually 2. I didn't really have a friend since they were mostly boys and everyone have been attending that church since they were a baby so I was always left out and had no spiritual support. And the fact that they are all from Brampton and I from Mississauga really distant our friendship 3. everyone had their own little cliques. I tried blending into the older crowd (3-5 years older), but they rejected me because again, I wasn't BORN into the church. I was out of their league. plain and simple. When I left that church, one of the concerns I had was that people looking down on me and my family. To no surprise, some people did. They said I was wrong for leaving the church. But what's the point of staying in the church if I am NOT spiritually growing? If they cared for me, they would advise me to leave. Anyway, their rejection towards me and family really caused us some tension to our friendships. We lost a few friends, but at the same time, gained new ones at the new church.

Despite the entire ordeal, there were 2 brothers whom I still talk to in this present day, never discriminated me in any way and I really appreciate them for caring for me. These brothers will always have a special in my heart because they accepted me for who I am when no one else did.

So today when I entered the church building for the very first time in 8 years, my heart could not stop pounding. There was just a rushing of thoughts going through my mind knowing that people would stare at me (& my family). But as soon as I stepped out of the car, a friend (whom I hardly talk to when I was still at the church) came towards us and warmly greeted us. He even gave me a friendly hug and a warm smile. Then as I walked to the sanctuary, many people greeted us and I could tell that they genuinely welcomed us back. There were many people whom I hardly talked to even while I was still there came up to my brother and I and asked us about our lives and what we've been up to. Weird but good. Things just happened to be completely opposite to what I was expecting. People STILL remembered our names. To be frank, I am no one special. I never served on the worship team. I was never in the popular crowd. But most importantly, I wasn't born into the church. I didn't grow up with these people. But many of them still remembered our names. I definitely shed a few tears while I was in the sanctuary, not because of the bride and groom, but because I felt a sense of warmth - like I haven't been home in a veryvery long time.

Another thing that touched my heart was seeing the people there all grown up. The babies are now elementary schoolers, middle schoolers are now university kids, university kids are now married and have kids. People in my parents' generation are older, wiser and have grandchildren. But the oldest of all, the English Pastor, is still the same. haha. Things like these make me realize that everyone is moving forward, for better or for worse, and that we should not look back or dwell on current situations. There is no time. But rather, we need to look forward to the things to come. With that said, I am SO happy that my friend got married today Who would've thought he would find a girl and get married on this day 8 years ago. 8 years ago, he had no degree, no job, no money....and definitely no girl ;) But today, he got everything. I can't wait until it is my turn to get married! I wonder what's going to be like...

Waste...?

You know what's sad? Finding out that your education, or more specifically, your four years of undergrad and your Masters DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE.

Today I received an email saying that my undergrad marks were not competitive enough to be accepted into the SLP program. So is there even a point in trying again next year? my marks will still be the same. not competitive enough. So what does this mean? I will NEVER get in to SLP? looks and sounds like it. So does this mean that I've just wasted 6 years of my life....doing NOTHING? guess so.

I am really lacking direction here. I really don't know what I SHOULD be doing. Father God, please guide me.....

Trust

Yesterday's sermon was definitely a slap in the face. Last week's meeting at Emmanuel was about keeping the Sabbath and I got SO much out of it. I really learned to work hard on the first 6 days of the week and then spend a day of rest, meaning more God and no/minimal work, on the 7th. I am glad I have someone whom I can be accountable to.. and she's been doing a really good job at making sure I am really working hard and not procrastinate. Yesterday's sermon by PAdrian was really... man... words can't even describe my feelings. He was talking about the history of Sabbath, its meaning and reasons why we need to keep the Sabbath. But after all of that stuff, he said something along the lines of "yes, we need to keep the Sabbath, yes, we need to rest and spend this one day on God; but the real issue is, whether we are able to FULLY trust in God; whether we're able to let go for just one day and spend those working hours on God".

To be honest, I really have a problem of letting go and trusting God to the fullest. Yes, I always tell myself that I need to fully rely on Him and trust Him for everything, but I often find myself stressed out about school and life. I honestly get stressed out about everything. One tiny event, something as small as having a bad hair day, can stress me out. I can certainly talk the walk, but can I really walk the talk? Not really. So I really need to humble down and change my way of thinking.

Please pray for me and please remind me to trust and obey every single time I say I am stressed out.

Acceptance

So I've been getting these random panic attacks. There's still about 3 weeks left till I hear from the three universities about my application. It is definitely an exciting period because I really want to know what the Lord has in store for me. Yes, I really want to get into SLP but I know my marks aren't competitive enough. So I am prepared to get the rejection letters. I've always wanted to go to Korea to teach ESL, but should I really spend one year there? Am I even ready to leave my home?

Honestly, I live my life based on opportunities. To me, it sounds kinda bad cuz it sounds like I am not ambitious and that I don't know what I want. But I am ambitious and I know exactly what I want and that is to get a good job, settle down and go from there. But sometimes I feel like I am not going anywhere. And that's when my frustration comes in....

ahhh. I really need to be patient and remember what the Lord has given me in the past.

blah

Not feeling so well today. man.. I have a feeling that this week is gonna be crappy.

=(

sighhhh

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

This is definitely my favourite passage in the Bible. I still remember when I first learned about it way back in FAITH fellowship at my old church. E. asked all of us to draw and cut out the different types of clothing/equipments. I am SO glad that he made us do it because it really helps with retaining and recalling the message. Every time when I read this passage I would be reminded of what I did, and every time when I face spiritual battle, I would always think of this passage.

Sidenote: Both Dalhousie and ORPAS confirmed my application. They have received all my required and supplemental documents. This means that the waiting period starts NOW.

What's up with Priscilla?

It's really been awhile since I last updated in detail. I haven't really been great at keeping in touch with people because I've just been really busy with school, studying and all that jazz. But don't worry, I haven't forgotten you. I am gonna be social again.... haha. Anyway, I have meant to write a long entry about what God has been doing in my life for the past months, but I just needed some time to gather my thoughts and jot everything down. My "life in review" isn't all that interesting, so please treat this as a disclaimer....haha

Christmas 2010

This past Christmas holiday was one of the worst Christmas breaks I've ever had because I had to prepare for an exam that I had to write at the beginning of January. I had to limit my time with friends because of my studying schedule and it sucked big time. It sucked even more knowing that the final exam was closed book and that I had to memorize the entire textbook. Psych isn't really my thing; I like learning about it but I usually do horrible on tests/exams so that's why I needed to maximize my time for it. But anyway, it is done now! Thanks for all your prayers! The exam went really well =D=D

Despite spending a lot of my vacation time facing the textbook, I spent A LOT of time with my family (which is always awesome). And I also spent a bit of time with the roomie, which is kinda rare considering we're always SO busy during school months and holidays. It is really good that we got to talk to each other face-2-face, rather than just talking on msn and phone. It is really different. I am just glad that we got to catch-up =)

High school reunion 2010

Speaking of Christmas, one of the highlights of this holiday was going to our RHSS annual Christmas party. I don't know, but it felt really different this year. I went each year except one, but I gotta say that this year was one of the best?? I mean, past years have been really good, but this year it was really different. I am not sure if it was just the people (which would not make sense considering we had the same people last year just a smaller number this year), or a change of location or something, but it felt very home-y. It really brought back a lot of memories! I am guessing it is the lack of people that made it really good; I mean, these were the bunch of friends whom I suffered high school with, whom I ate lunch with, whom I played sandman (ohh memories!) with, whom I did a whole bunch of things with... so it was great just seeing them again and catch up. I guess with the lack of people we really got to talk and share in a circle and did alot of stuff together (like playing the piano, singing and taking a group photo), rather than splitting into tiny groups the entire night. There were certainly other people that I wanted to see who didn't come so hopefully I will be able to see them sometime this year! =D

Year in Review 2010

New Year's Resolution

At the end of 2009, my new year's resolution was to be able to hold my tongue (Proverbs 10:19). It was VERY hard for me to do because I can be blunt and rude at times. There were days when I just couldn't hold it in because I was just SO angry at the person ....and I usually feel ashamed afterwards. There were definitely improvements from year 2008 though, but I still need to learn. So for this year, the only resolution that I have is to do better - to do better than last year.

In General

In general, year 2010 just wasn't that good due to many factors. The only thing that was "happy" was maybe my graduation...or the family cruise(it was really fun!). Hopefully 2011 will be better....

School

In terms of school, I completed the two courses at Mac. whoohoo! One of things I hate about Mac is that they tend to always give me a heart attack! I wrote my exam a couple days before the break and then a week later, it said that I had failed the course (like literally F) on my transcript!!!!! Now I know this is ridiculous because I know I didn't fail the exam since all the marks were posted on the website; but what really made me upset was that it could affect the whole SLP application since I was in the middle of writing it. Many thoughts came into my head because the fail grade was cutting it really close and no one could do anything about it till AFTER the Christmas break.... ahhhh... It happened to my before for my other course too and it took them ONE WHOLE MONTH to change that stupid grade. But everything got sorted out in the end, and the mark was changed. Praise God.

SLP

Applications have been sent out. Now I just have to wait and see. I won't know the result till April. I have thoroughly thought over this issue of going into SLP. I would be super delighted if any of the schools accept me (considering they only accept a limited number of people each year) but I would still be happy if they reject me. I don't exactly know what I'll be doing if I don't get in....perhaps this is the year that I finally get to go to KOREA?! I dont know. I've been wanting to teach in Korea for the longest time but every time when I had the chance to apply, something would always come up. So ya, I am kinda excited to see what the Lord has in store for me this year. But in the meantime, I'll just be home-schooling.......ohh...

Honestly, it would be great if I could step away from the academic industry (HAHAHA) and start working, but... two extra years of schooling could get me a better job. Then again, that would mean that when I graduate, I'd be 25 years OLD! sooo ya.. I'll just have to follow what God wants me to do with my life =) Please pray for direction....

Major Things

wow. I haven't updated this in a long time. Nuthing much has happened to me, I am still the same.

Two weeks ago, my roommate Steph and I went to see the 1040movie screening by Jaeson Ma. The most interesting thing about this whole event was that it was Steph who initiated the whole thing. I knew about this 1040 screening last year and was actually planning to invite Steph to see it this year when they were reading advertising it. She was a step ahead of me and said that she really wanted to view the screening cuz it featured several Asian celebrities like MC Jin and Vanness Wu. Apparently she saw an advertisement when she was in Singapore this summer which I thought that was quite interesting....Out of all places, Singapore? But then again, Singapore is within the 1040 area!! Apparently the advertisements got her to watch several testimonies, one of which was Jaeson Ma. She told me that his testimony was just SO touching. I've shared my testimony with Steph and have been talking to her about the love of Christ since 3rd year university. She's literally surrounded by manymany Christians, but she's agnostic.

The event was held at Garden Korean Church in Toronto and man, was it JAM PACKED!! There were 2200 people in that tiny church and they even had to turn people away! The bad part about it was that we went there 15 minutes prior to the show and the main sanctuary was already full. We had to sit in the gym and it wasn't really good considering there were feedback and poles blocking the screen =(. The atmosphere just wasn't that good that night. The movie itself was great, truly inspiring and I just hope that it moved Steph's heart. She's really into Asian celebrities and so this 1040 screening was the perfect opportunity! she told me that she's really curious as to why so many artists in the past decade have turned to Christ.

The sermon started at 10pm and I just wish that it was earlier because I needed to go back to sauga. I really wanted to stay to hear what God had to say but we left =(

I don't exactly know what God's doing in her life but I know He's doing something. She's one of my bestest friends and it would suck if I don't see her in heaven one day. So I'll just continue to pray for her.

We had a guest speaker in SS yesterday. His presentation on his escape from the Khmer Rouge soldiers and the ability to forgive those who killed his family was really inspiring. The guy literally saw his family being killed by those cruel soldiers and he was still able to forgive them. How is this possible? Definitely not possible. Only by the grace of God.

The self-justification part of the presentation was where it got me. Many people in the past have done really bad things to me or have hurt me deeply, and it usually takes a lot of time and prayer for me to release my bitterness towards them and forgive. I don't think it is just me; it is just so natural for humans to be bitter and unforgiving sometimes. But all of a sudden, after listening to Reaska Himm's testimony, things like people saying hurtful things to me became REALLY small. I almost felt silly being mad at people for hurting me because my situations will NEVER compare to what Reaska had to go through. So I just pray that I will learn from him.

I am just so thankful that he could visit our church and share his experiences with us.

Back! (long overdue post...)

God has really been teaching me a lot lately. When I was working on my MA paper, He made me realize how impatient I was. I was panicking so much for the entire month of August cuz my supervisor was away and took forever to edit my paper. I had to email and call my colleagues to make sure I was on the same page as them. I was panicking so much that I was thinking I might have to postpone my graduation. The thing was, how could I not think that way when I still hadn't received feedback on my potential final draft, still hadn't gotten to the second reader, still hadn't gotten it proofread by a professional proofreader and still hadn't gotten it revised and bound..? By the 8th last day, I was contemplating/praying whether I should just be honest with my supervisor and email him to tell him that I needed to get it done so I could go on vacation. I honestly wasn't sure if I should email him, because that is basically rushing him and it is impolite. But at the same time, I really needed confirmation. A bunch of my friends told me to just be honest, and I am glad I sent him an email. Within the last 8 days before my vacation, he gave me back my feedback, the second reader read it in 5 hours and I got it proofread by a professional proofreader. phew! It was really scary! Throughout this whole thing, God really taught me to be patient. To wait and to have faith in the Lord at all times, and certainly in times of trouble. In the end, I was the 3rd person (out of 10 people) to hand in the paper. I thank God for this lesson because I am really not a patient person and I usually panic when things are done at the last minute.

I really thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to go on a cruise with my family this year. It's been a while since our family went anywhere. It was also a perfect time for me to relax from stressing over that MA paper. The whole cruise experience was really amazing, and just like how the motto of the ship says it, you really get to Escape Completely. You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want, . You don't have to worry about anything. God's just been constantly teaching me things and he continued to teach me stuff while I was away on vacation. One of the things that has engraved in my heart throughout this entire trip was the fact that the people who work on the ship work really hard to provide for their family. 95% of the workers were filipinos and I didn't know much about them till my family asked our two waiters about their job status. In the beginning, I thought it would be really fun working on the ship cuz you get free housing, free food, free this and that, AND you get to cruise around the world. FUN! But after talking to them, I found out that it is really hard work. They work for 10 consecutive months on the ship and then they get 2 months off. While on the ship, they work literally 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They get time off (1-4 hour breaks per day where they are allowed to go on shore) but never days off -You are practically in prison. No freedom whatsoever. The two waiters told us they really need to provide for their children back home and it really sucks that they have to leave their family for 10 months. I certainly wouldn't want my husband leaving me for 10 months and I wouldn't want my dad to leave for 10 months and only come back for 2 months. Family relationships destroy like that because of a lack of communication. But these workers have no choice. They need money support their family. But then again, why have kids if you can't afford them? And I think that's one of the reasons why most of the workers are men. I can't imagine women doing the same things our two waiters did. And despite all that, you wouldn't be able to have kids. It is just impossible.

You can tell they really miss home because they got really happy when we asked them about life, food, language in the philippines. And when I busted out my limited tagalog, they were surprised and started teaching me simple tagalog. My heart ached a little every time I see them working so hard - lifting stuff, running back and forth, doing this and that, just because they trying to please us and make us happy.

It is not a right for people to serve us just because it is their job, but it is a privilege. Everyone deserves to be served. And so, we really need to appreciate what others do for us, whether it is small or big stuff, because they sacrificed their time for it.

Happy Times - Prelude

One of the things I love about life is spending time with people; whether it be with family or friends, I just looove spending quality time with them. I try to cherish every moment of it cuz I never know when it is gonna happen again. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I love linguistics, the fact that language and communication is so crucial to our lives just amazes me. Over the years I've come to realize that I can't live without friends, family or just someone to there to listen/talk to. Yaa... God's always there and He promised to never leave me, but everyone needs a physical being for support. The bible says it so clearly in Genesis: God created Adam and various animals, but they couldn't communicate/understand each other and so God created Eve to accompany Adam. We have this innate ability to learn and communicate with others (Sidebar: Don't know if the SS kids are learning anything, but I am actually learning a lot when I prepare lessons! )

However, one of the weaknesses that I have is that I get too dependent/attached to people... that I get really depressed when they leave or when I don't get to see them anymore. It doesn't matter if I've known for 10 days or 10 years, I would still be sad if I know that I wouldn't be able to see them on a regular basis. Yes I eventually forget about them and life moves on, but still, it is the interaction between people that I miss. When 80% of my friends from church left a couple months ago, I was REALLY sad by it...

Every girl likes presents, but I'd rather trade material things for time. When Zoe decided to surprise me on my birthday this year, I felt extremely loved because they actually didn't mind wasting time on me. I mean, Who am I? I am nobody. I am not a popular person in the church and I am not anyone special. But they still wanted to spend time with me because they treat me like a sister no matter the circumstances. It certainly made me feel extremely touched that day.

Everyone has a story to tell; and it is only when we sit down and listen to them that we can find out what is happening in their lives. It is funny how God planned all this, I mean, with people leaving the church, I actually had the chance to talk to some people whom I was quite intimidated by. Yes, I had to get out of my comfort zone, open up myself (if you know me, this is actually VERY hard for me to do!) and tried to get to know them...but it is really the only way to get to know others and make new friends.

So I guess it is not a bad thing that a lot of my friends left, because it really forced me (in a good way) to get to know other people; some whom I've gotten really close with in the past couple of months.

Training

placeholder for now. something to blog about.

What's happening with Priscilla?

I am back! It's definitely been awhile since I last wrote here. It is actually kinda funny how many people still read my blog despite this mini-hiatus (Just a heads up though, my life isn't all that interesting so I don't think you'll find any anything entertaining here).

For the past two months, I have been doing ALOT things. I don't really recall what I did exactly besides the big events, but it felt like I was in my own little world and time just flew right by....

I have been schooling, working on my research paper and the online course. The research paper is coming along nicely, and I hope I can do a decent job on it. I really underestimated this paper a couple months ago because I didn't think it would take this long for me to write it, but it has taken up ALOT of my time, practically day and night reading articles after articles, trying to find sources to add to my argument. The first draft was a big failure because I didn't put enough effort into it and it was no surprise that my supervisor didn't like what I wrote. So for the past couple weeks, I've just been critiquing, analyzing, revising and editing my paper. I really hope my supervisor will approve my second draft. Everything is going by so quickly and I just wish I had the power to stop time. eeks...

A lot of unnecessary things happened to me lately. Sometimes I just don't understand why God put such things in my life..... experiences maybe? don't know. Only God knows. I got into a car accident two weeks ago in Toronto. While I was stopped at a red light, the car behind me rear-ended me. I didn't know what to do at the time but call my dad (it was my first time getting into a car accident) and it didn't help that the guy couldn't speak any English or Cantonese. Not gonna go into details, but it was also a really tough situation because I really wanted to show mercy but I wasn't sure if what I did was the right thing to do. It really bothered me that the guy had so many problems, but at the same time, I knew that was the only way to do it to minimize his mistake. It was definitely a big mistake on my part when I forgot to pray and ask for wisdom right when the accident happened cuz I was too "caught up in the moment". I panicked and I was even more scared when his two friends came and started smoking around me (though I tried to show a tough face when I started talking to them in Canto). Things got complicated and it took awhile for things to resolve. But in the end, i guess it was a great experience, cuz at least I know what to do now when I get into car accidents.

There's also a problem with school for this September. I have been wanting to go back to Mac for a long time now to just complete some courses . But the problem is that the two linguistic courses are FULL, which means there's a BIG chance that I won't be able to apply to SLP this January, which also means that my life is messed? I got REALLY upset at Mac for not putting me as first priority. I didn't even think about other universities (which is REALLY stupid of me!) cuz I only had eyes for Mac. I know it isn't their fault and I got REALLY mad/upset/frustrated for stupid reasons. Things got alot better after talking with my parents and praying and right now, I am just waiting for an email from Mac. I REALLY hope they'll provide a space for me....

It is very hard to not think negatively towards things when stuff don't go accordingly, but I shall not be shaken. I shall not be moved. I will continue to seek the Lord for direction.

Teaser #1: Rescue

The song "Rescue" by Desperation Band is a really good song.

This world has nothing for me.

I will follow You.

Praise Items

Counting my blessings:

• I did well on my last reading essay. I have been quite worried about the essay portion of the course. The funny thing about this essay was the writing process. My topic was motivation, but I was definitely NOT motivated when I wrote it. I felt almost hypocritical because I kept writing about how students needed to be motivated to be successful blahblahblah, but I was just not feeling it.
• 2 SLPs have said yes to taking me for a day or two. I just need to go back to sauga as fast as possible to talk to them about volunteer work. PRAISE THE LORD. I have been praying about this for a longggg time now. whoohoo!
• Finished TA-ing for the year. It was tough but I got through it. It was a great experience. Hopefully I can go back to work in September.
• God gave me a great plan. I don't know. I'll just follow.