Memories

Many thoughts came into my mind when I went back to my old church today for my friend's wedding. I left that church 8 years ago due to some untold circumstances and I never went back to visit or even step foot in the church building since the day I decided to leave. I had no regrets because 1. I wasn't growing spiritually 2. I didn't really have a friend since they were mostly boys and everyone have been attending that church since they were a baby so I was always left out and had no spiritual support. And the fact that they are all from Brampton and I from Mississauga really distant our friendship 3. everyone had their own little cliques. I tried blending into the older crowd (3-5 years older), but they rejected me because again, I wasn't BORN into the church. I was out of their league. plain and simple. When I left that church, one of the concerns I had was that people looking down on me and my family. To no surprise, some people did. They said I was wrong for leaving the church. But what's the point of staying in the church if I am NOT spiritually growing? If they cared for me, they would advise me to leave. Anyway, their rejection towards me and family really caused us some tension to our friendships. We lost a few friends, but at the same time, gained new ones at the new church.

Despite the entire ordeal, there were 2 brothers whom I still talk to in this present day, never discriminated me in any way and I really appreciate them for caring for me. These brothers will always have a special in my heart because they accepted me for who I am when no one else did.

So today when I entered the church building for the very first time in 8 years, my heart could not stop pounding. There was just a rushing of thoughts going through my mind knowing that people would stare at me (& my family). But as soon as I stepped out of the car, a friend (whom I hardly talk to when I was still at the church) came towards us and warmly greeted us. He even gave me a friendly hug and a warm smile. Then as I walked to the sanctuary, many people greeted us and I could tell that they genuinely welcomed us back. There were many people whom I hardly talked to even while I was still there came up to my brother and I and asked us about our lives and what we've been up to. Weird but good. Things just happened to be completely opposite to what I was expecting. People STILL remembered our names. To be frank, I am no one special. I never served on the worship team. I was never in the popular crowd. But most importantly, I wasn't born into the church. I didn't grow up with these people. But many of them still remembered our names. I definitely shed a few tears while I was in the sanctuary, not because of the bride and groom, but because I felt a sense of warmth - like I haven't been home in a veryvery long time.

Another thing that touched my heart was seeing the people there all grown up. The babies are now elementary schoolers, middle schoolers are now university kids, university kids are now married and have kids. People in my parents' generation are older, wiser and have grandchildren. But the oldest of all, the English Pastor, is still the same. haha. Things like these make me realize that everyone is moving forward, for better or for worse, and that we should not look back or dwell on current situations. There is no time. But rather, we need to look forward to the things to come. With that said, I am SO happy that my friend got married today Who would've thought he would find a girl and get married on this day 8 years ago. 8 years ago, he had no degree, no job, no money....and definitely no girl ;) But today, he got everything. I can't wait until it is my turn to get married! I wonder what's going to be like...