I really need a break

stressed out to the max. had a couple mental breakdowns..>.<

can't wait till I am done with this exam and then go on vacation. I really need a breakkkk....

Trust

Yesterday's sermon was definitely a slap in the face. Last week's meeting at Emmanuel was about keeping the Sabbath and I got SO much out of it. I really learned to work hard on the first 6 days of the week and then spend a day of rest, meaning more God and no/minimal work, on the 7th. I am glad I have someone whom I can be accountable to.. and she's been doing a really good job at making sure I am really working hard and not procrastinate. Yesterday's sermon by PAdrian was really... man... words can't even describe my feelings. He was talking about the history of Sabbath, its meaning and reasons why we need to keep the Sabbath. But after all of that stuff, he said something along the lines of "yes, we need to keep the Sabbath, yes, we need to rest and spend this one day on God; but the real issue is, whether we are able to FULLY trust in God; whether we're able to let go for just one day and spend those working hours on God".

To be honest, I really have a problem of letting go and trusting God to the fullest. Yes, I always tell myself that I need to fully rely on Him and trust Him for everything, but I often find myself stressed out about school and life. I honestly get stressed out about everything. One tiny event, something as small as having a bad hair day, can stress me out. I can certainly talk the walk, but can I really walk the talk? Not really. So I really need to humble down and change my way of thinking.

Please pray for me and please remind me to trust and obey every single time I say I am stressed out.

Acceptance

So I've been getting these random panic attacks. There's still about 3 weeks left till I hear from the three universities about my application. It is definitely an exciting period because I really want to know what the Lord has in store for me. Yes, I really want to get into SLP but I know my marks aren't competitive enough. So I am prepared to get the rejection letters. I've always wanted to go to Korea to teach ESL, but should I really spend one year there? Am I even ready to leave my home?

Honestly, I live my life based on opportunities. To me, it sounds kinda bad cuz it sounds like I am not ambitious and that I don't know what I want. But I am ambitious and I know exactly what I want and that is to get a good job, settle down and go from there. But sometimes I feel like I am not going anywhere. And that's when my frustration comes in....

ahhh. I really need to be patient and remember what the Lord has given me in the past.

Keeping the Sabbath

Yesterday's topic night at Emmanuel was quite a reminder for me.

I really need to work hard for 6 days and then enjoy God's creation on the 7th.

blah

Not feeling so well today. man.. I have a feeling that this week is gonna be crappy.

=(

sighhhh

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

This is definitely my favourite passage in the Bible. I still remember when I first learned about it way back in FAITH fellowship at my old church. E. asked all of us to draw and cut out the different types of clothing/equipments. I am SO glad that he made us do it because it really helps with retaining and recalling the message. Every time when I read this passage I would be reminded of what I did, and every time when I face spiritual battle, I would always think of this passage.

Sidenote: Both Dalhousie and ORPAS confirmed my application. They have received all my required and supplemental documents. This means that the waiting period starts NOW.

Perfect Timing

God really does have perfect timing. I wanted a TA job at Brock SO badly last term, but He rejected it. Now when I least expected a job, I was given an offer. Let me tell you though, I was jumping up and down when I found out, but then, in a matter of an hour, I was reminded of so many things and that accepting the offer may not be so good after all. There were just so many emotions that day, my head really wanted this job but my heart kept saying that it wasn't worth it. Driving to St. Catharines once/twice a week just did not make any sense. It is kinda ridiculous actually if you consider all the other factors. But after talking numerous times with the two profs and my parents and really lifting the entire issue to God, things changed so drastically and I somehow became very certain that this is what He wanted me to do and so, in the end, I accepted the offer.

What is really interesting is that after teaching for a day, God slowly revealed his perfect plan to me.

- 2 classes back to back for an hour each

- these first years are very sweet and seem to be trouble-free - or less problematic than students from last year

- most of them are polite

- the drive to St. Catharines is awesome; hardly any traffic! - same goes with driving back home

- I get the entire room to myself during my office hours

What was even more perfect was that Pastor Adrian talked about slaves vs. masters in the context of employer vs. employee yesterday in Sunday school. It was such a good reminder of how my attitudes should be when I am dealing with students.

Praise the Lord for such a great opportunity. I pray that I will serve wholeheartedly, serving the Lord not my boss. I also pray that I won't threaten my students because of my authority, but instead, teach them with gentleness and love (Ephesians 6: 7-9).